The counter-intuitive phenomena of gift anxiety

I turned 39 this year. For most of my life I’ve always enjoyed receiving gifts, or at least felt neutral about it, but this year I noticed some mild feelings of anxiety pop up when a couple of people mentioned that they got me something.

We don’t talk about it much, but being on the receiving end of a gift can sometimes be mildly stressful. This may seem counter-intuitive or overly dramatic (definitely a first-world-problem), but if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense — there are certain expectations and a whole mess of feelings involved that can potentially create an unpleasant experience on both sides.

The best case scenario when it comes to receiving a gift is that it’s either something you want or need (or something didn’t know you wanted or needed, but now that you have it, you’ll cherish it forever and ever because it’s so incredibly thoughtful). Anything less than this creates tension. And that tension is amplified if this exchange is happening in-person because then you have to choose to act like you like it, or risk hurting your friend’s feelings. Neither option feels good. The pressure to perform lingers if it’s something you’re supposed to have around your house, like a print or decorative object.

To mitigate this, sometimes I’ll say directly “feel free to donate or re-gift this if it’s not your thing” if there’s a possibility it might not be their taste. And there are some other tips to keep in mind so that the chances of gift-anxiety are reduced:

• Consider a consumable. This way, at least if they don’t like it, they won’t have to deal with it forever. Since many people are avoiding alcohol these days, my preference is to give a nice bottle of olive oil or a locally made honey.
• Social experiences over stuff. Tickets to see a band you both like, a pottery workshop, painting class or nature walk. Something that will get you out, maybe together or with other people, and create a fun memory.
• If you want to be sure they’ll keep it, then make it 100% keep-worthy. People will happily hold on to things that are thoughtful and personal. When I look through my keepsakes, they’re things that people put real time and effort into, not just thought. Of course, Fondfolios are the ultimate meaningful gift 🥰.